saturday night….not like any other weekends, instead of hanging out with friends or watching my favorite series i had to ‘jaga’. it was my first time and i was so not into it. i admit i’m  a little nervous, didn’t know what to expect. one night has passed and made me thinking about a lot  of things. i don’t know if i can go on with this profession…it’s just too much for me. i don’t know for how long can i hold it any longer. my heart is just not into it…i’ve lost my passion !! i know it’s a sacred profession but the ideal was not for me. of course i like to help people, but the method was just not for me. many things contradicted with my conscience….and i’m too soft to see other people suffer. it hurts me and i’m trying to hold it together.urghh…this is so tiring. i’m really tired…hope i can escape from this…and find out what i really want. is there still time? there is time i guess…but in reality it’s not that easy. i wish things can be as easy as my fantasy world…where people can do things they like, no worries and live happily… I WISH….